franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize