I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
