After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
