I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
