Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize