I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
