mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
