I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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