God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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