I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
