You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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