conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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