"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
