yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
