on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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