I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
