This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
