i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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