i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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