just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Randomize