Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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