Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize