There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
