Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
