everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
