im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
