I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
