the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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