So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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