thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
