i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
