You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
