mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize