is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
