some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Randomize
