Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
