he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
