i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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