just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
