We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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