Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
