did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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