Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
