so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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