ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize