do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
