you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
