I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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