The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
