Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize