The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
