If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
this will be a night to untag.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
In other news, I just burned my penis
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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