i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
