i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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