Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Still dying that you shit outside
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
