Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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