Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
