soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
