You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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