He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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