when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
