But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
