I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
