I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
