i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize