i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
