sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
