The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize