I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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