Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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