i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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