wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
