I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize