That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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