Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
