girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
