i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
