If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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