I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
