I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
