At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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