they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
