Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
