I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
