i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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