i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
