foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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