You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
