You work out of a Hotel?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize