i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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