My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
