apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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