you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
