He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
