Where is the hickey?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Operation Purity has been aborted
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
