5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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