So drunk its hurt
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
