I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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