ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
