I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
