you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
