Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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