Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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