Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
