I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
