Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize